Chocolate Milk Rots: 10 things I learned in my first year of teaching

This past week, I finished up my first official year of teaching elementary school. The end was full of talent shows, dancing, tests, slideshows reminiscing old Halloween costumes and field trips, bribery in the form of doughnuts, and tearful goodbyes. During my first week of teaching I remember standing in front of the class, looking at my students, and thinking how hilarious it was that they thought I knew what I was doing. The last day of school as I watched my students leave, I was thinking THE SAME THING. There’s still so much to learn about teaching, but luckily I was able to come up with a list of 10 things that my first year of teaching taught me.

1. I now know the exact stench of chocolate milk if it is left unrefrigerated and stuck in someone’s desk for three weeks. Do I get worker’s compensation for having to smell that every day? Luckily I simply adore the student that was harboring away the stink bomb in the back crevice of their cubby.

2. Life is easier with personal servants. You would think that teaching would be hard because it’s like taking care of 24 twelve-year-olds all day, right? Life is actually way better when you have 24 twelve-year-olds taking care of YOU. Whenever I was teaching and my voice started to grow hoarse, a student would jump out of their chair and bring me my water bottle without me even asking. Anytime I needed a box moved to somewhere else in the school I never had to bother lifting it because most of the students were begging for the chance to carry it, and whenever I wanted a student to push me around in my rolling chair, they did.

3. Some students appreciate the classics, as shown when I asked for song requests for our class party. 

4. Being the adult is sometimes hard. Whenever I saw kids playing soccer in the classroom I would think, “Man, whoever’s in charge of them better stop that before something goes wrong.” Then I would realize: I AM THE PERSON IN CHARGE. If I didn’t know the answer to a question a student asked, I looked frantically around my class, looking for someone more educated than I. It was very early on in the school year that my students accepted that Google was their true teacher.

5. Creativity is not wasted on the young. Upon telling them my heater wasn’t working, one student told me I should simply ask my roommate to flirt with the repair man so we could get the heater fixed for free. At least one student realizes how little the teacher salary is.

6. My students are going to make great politicians. While teaching the French Revolution, I made one student the king, two students nobility, and the rest were peasants. As we role played, the comments ranged from things like,  “Too bad, you’re poor ” to students screaming at the top of their lungs, “IT IS TOTALLY NOT FAIR THAT WE HAVE TO PAY TAXES! IF WE HAVE TO THEN YOU HAVE TO AS WELL!!” I was so proud.   

7. Students are able to learn the most life applicable lessons from books. 

8. Being sick is not all bad. During February I got sick and had a substitute for a few days. I felt completely miserable, but when Emmie returned home from school she brought me a ginormous get well card made by my students, complete with notes like, “No more subs!!” and “My cat and I hope you feel better soon!!” As sick as I was feeling, it made me feel a lot better. This is probably what the sub had them work on instead of math, but whatever.

9. Students leave the best notes. My wall is covered with quips like “Miss Hardy, you’re cool because you stay up on the trends.” (Unsure how many times I did the Whip Nae Nae in class, but once was enough for one student to remark, “My eyes are burning.”) Another personal favorite was a student who thoughtfully penned, “Miss Hardy, you are like ohana to me. You are like my 23 year old daughter.” Oh, to be young. 

10. Having 24 students means you have 24 best friends. They always asked me what I did on my weekend (usually during a science lesson in an attempt to get me off topic) and they’re painfully honest (like the time my student asked, “Why does your face look like that?!”) They’re people who I could always count on to play wall ball and do art projects with me. They're the kids who all made brackets to participate in the March Madness bracket competition and howled with laughter when the team I picked to win lost during the first round. They’re kids I will love for the rest of the life, and I can’t wait to see who they become. 

And now, to end my blog the same way a student loved to end his essays:

Ta-Da, indeed.