When I catch up with family or friends, often people ask me, “How’s teaching going?” I usually say things are going well, and we move on to other topics like the weather, or my new book idea, Rachel’s Art of the Deal, which is of course based on Donald Trump’s book and includes lots of tips and tricks about deals including pinky swears, crossing your fingers under the table, and obscure but totally legal deal tips. (So far no publisher has been willing, but when I get this printed, it will be HUUUGE.) I don’t avoid the topic of teaching because I’m not willing to share my thoughts, it’s more like I rarely can find the words to adequately explain it. How do you simply put into words what spending eight hours every day with a classroom full of eleven year olds is like? Of course, like many things, there are both joyful and difficult times. So, without further ado, I present to you the winners and losers of the 2018-2019 school year.
Winner: My Students
After a few of my students consistently came to class tardy because they were talking to their friends in the hall, I had a chat with them about being on time. Unfortunately, the chat happened no more than half an hour before I was stopped on the way to class by one of my friends who wanted to catch up for a minute. By the time I made it to my hallway, the students I had talked to were standing in front of the line right outside my classroom with gigantic grins as they watched me speed down the hall as the bell rang. Luckily they were kind enough to leave a note on my computer, and neither of us was late after that. (That’s a lie. We were both late some days, but who’s counting?)
Loser: Toll House
While we were reading a book in which a girl is dared to drink a raw egg, I felt the need to take a serious adult moment and let the kids know that they shouldn’t go around drinking raw eggs. I explained they could get salmonella poisoning, but also admitted to the fact that I certainly enjoy a good batch of cookie dough. (Excellent teachers contradict themselves, right?) I expected for the kids to also chime in about how they like cookie dough, but instead I saw a bunch of disgusted faces staring at me. Eventually a kid raised his hand and said, “Mrs. Neeley, you eat cookie dough? Someday we’re going to be looking in the newspaper and see you DIED because you ate COOKIE DOUGH?!” The unimpressed looks on their faces was almost enough for me to give up cookie dough for good. Good luck Toll House, but these kids will never be enjoying your finest product.
Winner: Science Youtubers
After showing my students a video on Youtube of a guy doing a science experiment to start off our lesson, one of my students raised his hand and asked if he could see how many subscribers the Youtuber had. After checking, the boy burst out, enraged, “Seven thousand! WHAT?!? I post ACTUAL content! This guy is just posting science!!” My reply that maybe the student could start posting about science was quickly filed into the “boring adult comment” section and quickly ignored.
Loser: Me
In the spring, a few giant trees were cut down on the field where my students go out to recess, and large branches were scattered everywhere. It was no concern to me at all, which was my first mistake. The students ran outside and began play colonists/American Indians which is apparently impossible without holding five feet long branches as walking sticks. Ah! My heart! They actually were paying attention in social studies! It took no longer than 7 minutes for the students to start arguing about who got to use the BEST sticks and who would be destined to the short, broken ones. Sadly, my favorite management strategy of “let the students figure this one out” failed miserably as one day I noticed my students getting their lunches from the kitchen, walking straight to the garbage can to dump the entire tray, and sprinting outside to be one of the elite stick holders. I realized this was a time for me to step in. I followed the students outside, but regrettably I didn’t realize Usain Bolt was in my class, because once they were out the door they were already on the other side of the field, waving the sticks above their head like the Tusken Raiders from Star Wars. I called them over, along with the rest of the class who had just dumped their freshly made lunches into the dumpster and heartbreakingly realized they were too late to enjoy a blissful half hour of playing with branches, and let them all know that they were going to need to find a way to cooperate and share or the sticks would be banned. After a few minutes of healthy communication (yelling at each other and calling names) they came up with an agreement, and they were happy campers. I went inside feeling pleased as punch we worked that one out as a class, and there were no more problems with sticks after that. (Sidenote: there were MANY more problems with the sticks. After approximately 683 fights, 5 trillion tears, and three weeks of having discussions of WHEN students could retrieve the sticks, WHO could use which stick, WHERE the students could hide the sticks, WHAT games they could play with the sticks, HOW they were going to locate the sticks after the pesky 4th graders had hidden them, etc. etc. etc., the sticks were banned and I made them play really boring and terrible things at recess like kickball and four square.)
Winner: Me
Teaching is the most difficult thing I have ever done. (This is a lie. After day 13 of the stick fiasco, I came home, discouraged and exhausted to find a PILE of snakes sitting on my porch steps. Going back outside was the most difficult thing any human being has accomplished to date.) But teaching is a lot easier when you’re surrounded by teammates who will go along with your Emperor’s New Groove Halloween costume, a room mom who thinks of the exact perfect way to decorate the classroom door, and a parent of a student who constantly brought me sodas after long days. I’m lucky to be surrounded by amazing people and an incredible class of students who were patient with me and taught me something new every day. The students I teach will always have a special place in my heart.
HAGS!
