Neeley Christmas Card 2020

My favorite time of wrapping gifts, festive treats, and poorly made Lifetime movies is upon us. For every 10 minutes I watch in Lifetime Christmas movies, I inform Tyler I could definitely write a better script than anything I’ve seen. (I actually told him I could write a better script in 5 minutes. Unfortunately, after describing a Christmas Space themed movie in which one alien from Jupiter and one alien from Neptune fall in love over Christmas but can’t be together due to galactic tensions but are able to reunite under the snowfall on Mars on Christmas night, Tyler kindly told me “I’m not quite sure why this is taking place in Space.” so I’ve decided to give myself at least 15 minutes to come up with a superior plot.) With my Lifetime movie script out of the way, I now have plenty of time to write our Christmas Card.

2020 has been an eventful year. I started a new job as an Innovative Learning Coach for my school district. For those who stick around long enough for me to explain what that is, I tell them I coach teachers as they integrate technology into their classroom, but for those who don’t, I am happy to let them think I’m coach of the soccer team or something. My twelve year old self who always snuck off the dodgeball court and into the long line of people who were “out” even though a dodgeball hadn’t even come remotely near me always beams anytime someone actually thinks my coaching job is one of athleticism. I’m overjoyed to have gotten this job and my new team is amazing. It was bittersweet to leave my old school as the staff are some of my favorite people ever. Luckily, leaving the classroom was made slightly easier when I was cleaning out my student’s desks during the Covid shutdown and found one of my students had left an old carton of chocolate milk in his desk from March-June. (You may be thinking “Rachel, I’ve already heard this story about chocolate milk being left in your classroom for weeks at a time” because an almost identical experience has now happened in my class THREE TIMES while I’ve been teaching. To say my classroom is cursed would be an understatement, and I hope the incoming teacher had enough sense to carry Madame Zeroni to drink from the stream at the top of God’s Thumb before the school year began.) 

My new job still gives me plenty of time to interact with elementary students. When I went to a 2nd grade class to teach them how to code, a very skeptical student informed me that I would be required to buy him a soda if he didn’t enjoy coding. I told him no, but we settled on me burping in front of the class in case he didn’t enjoy the lesson. Luckily about 10 minutes into the lesson he informed me that he absolutely loved coding, so I was saved from public humiliation. I have not found any rotten chocolate milk at work and consider that to be my job’s biggest perk. 

Tyler continued working in his current job this year and earned an Employee of Merit award from the city. He sometimes doesn’t like to tell me about the recognition he receives at work because I apparently “make it too big of a deal.” In other news, I’m currently constructing  a 20 foot tall golden statue of Tyler in our front yard.

The ongoing pandemic hasn’t stopped us from taking a few nearby vacations. We visited family in Arizona over Labor Day and had a wonderful time with them. We went to the movie theaters to watch Tenet, which took a collective 84 hours after the movie to research what exactly happened during those two and a half hours. (After reading hundreds of articles that tried to explain what happened, my only understanding is that someone had a really weird dream and literally nothing made sense.) We got the chance to visit Zion and Bryce National Parks over Fall Break. We spent the morning and afternoons hiking, and the evenings watching the Atlanta Braves in the playoffs. (Condolences in the form of Oreos can be sent directly to Tyler)

This year has certainly been unusual, but I am so grateful for every adventure. Hopefully at this time next year, we’re all sitting together watching a spaced themed Lifetime Christmas movie.

Merry Christmas!

Lessons from Quarantine

After the social distancing measures were put in place and our lives were shaken upside down like an Etch-a-sketch in a matter of a few days, I saw tweets and articles touting all the geniuses who’d been isolated in their day and created masterpieces. Isaac Newton came up with the theory of gravity, Frida Kahlo painted her first self-portrait, and it’s speculated that Shakespeare wrote King Lear. What will be your masterpiece? they asked. What greatness will you achieve during your isolation? After almost one month at home, I’m pleased to announce a few things I have learned during my time of isolation.

Lots of new acronyms: A few  days after schools closed, my awesome 5th grade class and I started learning online. By far my favorite part of the experience has been still being able to connect and talk with my students through our Google Classroom. Unfortunately, often they will leave acronyms I have never seen. When I had a student send me “TYY” I had to decide whether my student was instructing me to ‘teach yourself yiddish’  or ‘teach yourself yodeling’. Either way, it’s clear my students are not impressed with my current hobby of still assigning them work. צום גליק, דער אינטערנעץ האָט מיר געהאָלפֿן צו ווערן גלאַט ייִדיש. (Luckily Google Translate is helping me pretend I speak Yiddish. I am sure my students will be ecstatic to find one of their lessons written entirely in this foreign language) Learning new acronyms has not only been happening in my classroom, but on Twitter. I will likely never disclose how long it took me to actually look up that ‘WHO’ stands for World Health Organization, but I will say that initially I thought it was odd that the Wizarding House Operations had so many ideas about social distancing.
                                   
Close all tabs before filming: To go along with our online learning, in the past few weeks I have been working on my lifelong dream of being a rich and famous Youtuber. While I am still patiently waiting for my converting customary measurement video to go viral, I have learned a lot of helpful tips and tricks to be a good Youtuber. First and foremost, I now close out of my bank account tabs before I start sharing my screen, avoiding recording all my personal account information and the fact that I went to Cafe Rio again.

The symptoms for COVID-19: Along with my morning ritual of brushing my teeth and eating breakfast, I have worked into my daily routine a clearing of my throat that makes me question my health entirely. Do I have a sore throat coming on? Are my headaches a sign of something more sinister than staring at my computer screen for 12 hours straight? Is my strategy of strictly snacking on sugary foods failing me?! As my morning tailspins and I quickly Google the symptoms, I am pleased to announce that after 27 times of doing this, I have the symptoms memorized. (Not that it will stop me from Googling it, but whatever.) 

A schedule that works for me: As many employees made the shift of working from home, some struggled with keeping the same productivity level and motivation. Helpful people on the internet shared their tips and schedules-making sure you get ready for the day, exercising, making your own office space, eating at the same time each day, etc. Unfortunately this was slightly too organized for someone like me who has the high hopes and aspirations of binge watching every show to ever be created, and I took more comfort in those who posted their schedule including lengthy sessions of napping, television and reading. I decided to pick a happy medium between the two types of schedules, and have organized my evenings into planned TV watching. This way, my 6pm-8 game shows never interfere with my rotating sitcom/drama/documentaries from 8-10. Obviously, I fall into the ‘highly productive’ category of isolation. 

As you can clearly see, while Isaac Newton developed one theory, I have actually learned four amazing things during isolation, and I’m just getting started! You be the judge of who’s the real genius. And if you’re not feeling productive? Don’t worry. Lots of amazing things like the Internet, trampolines, and do-it-yourself popcorn butter dispensers at the movie theaters were all created out of isolation.

Expectations for 2030

I will ask the questions that everyone has been thinking since the clock struck midnight on January 1, 2020: Where are our flying cars? Where are our personalized jet packs? Why I am still worried about the “Check Tire Pressure” light that flickered on in my car this afternoon when I was fully anticipating flying back to school on the first day back from winter break? It seems some of our hopes and dreams for the year 2020 haven’t fully been realized yet. Yes, there have been some amazing advances in technology in the past ten years, but perhaps there was a little too much focus on sending 17,000 personalized ads about cookie scoops to someone who only googled cookie scoops ONE TIME. To avoid disappointment when it comes to the year 2030, I have come up with some more *reasonable* expectations of things I hope develop over the next 10 years. 

1. I would love for this to be the year that kale doesn’t taste bad. The only time I enjoy eating kale is when it is drowning in cream. If kale ice cream becomes a thing, I will go directly to Costco to sample it.

2. Self-watering houseplants would be a great invention. The majority of 2019 was spent ignoring my houseplants and telling myself that they’re the kind of plants that only need to be watered monthly, and the rest was spent overwatering my plants, desperately trying to revive a brown, dead, clump of dirt.

3. I, for one, would not mind if tissue paper that is stuffed in gift bags became a thing of the past. Does anyone else feel weird buying this stuff? It’s like buying paper that’s going to go directly into the trash can because it’s been wrinkled once to fit in a bag. Perhaps we can start using all those political ads delivered to our door as tissue paper.

4. It’s the year 2020. THIS IS THE YEAR APPLE NEEDS TO START MAKING LONG CHARGING CORDS. I am currently typing this from the floor, but on the plus side it will make for a warm greeting when Tyler gets home and I jump out from the shadows like a hyena. 

5. Many people know I like to watch sports, but unless you have watched a game with me you probably didn’t know that I am a court critic. My little brother Tim and I keep a running document of the worst courts and fields and discuss rankings regularly. My hope for 2020 is that we have less courts that qualify themselves for our list. (And if that Utah Jazz decide to build a parquet court I vow to listen to all the games on the radio.) 

6. When I was in middle school, I was obsessed with the movie National Treasure. The first day I watched it, I watched it twice because I was just that excited. Once the second movie came out I was just as excited, and as it left things on a cliffhanger I couldn’t wait for the third. At least once a week I would come home and launch a full blown investigation, reading every article possible on production rumors on the next movie. Nicholas Cage, it’s time. 

Cheers to the New Year!