Expectations for 2030

I will ask the questions that everyone has been thinking since the clock struck midnight on January 1, 2020: Where are our flying cars? Where are our personalized jet packs? Why I am still worried about the “Check Tire Pressure” light that flickered on in my car this afternoon when I was fully anticipating flying back to school on the first day back from winter break? It seems some of our hopes and dreams for the year 2020 haven’t fully been realized yet. Yes, there have been some amazing advances in technology in the past ten years, but perhaps there was a little too much focus on sending 17,000 personalized ads about cookie scoops to someone who only googled cookie scoops ONE TIME. To avoid disappointment when it comes to the year 2030, I have come up with some more *reasonable* expectations of things I hope develop over the next 10 years. 

1. I would love for this to be the year that kale doesn’t taste bad. The only time I enjoy eating kale is when it is drowning in cream. If kale ice cream becomes a thing, I will go directly to Costco to sample it.

2. Self-watering houseplants would be a great invention. The majority of 2019 was spent ignoring my houseplants and telling myself that they’re the kind of plants that only need to be watered monthly, and the rest was spent overwatering my plants, desperately trying to revive a brown, dead, clump of dirt.

3. I, for one, would not mind if tissue paper that is stuffed in gift bags became a thing of the past. Does anyone else feel weird buying this stuff? It’s like buying paper that’s going to go directly into the trash can because it’s been wrinkled once to fit in a bag. Perhaps we can start using all those political ads delivered to our door as tissue paper.

4. It’s the year 2020. THIS IS THE YEAR APPLE NEEDS TO START MAKING LONG CHARGING CORDS. I am currently typing this from the floor, but on the plus side it will make for a warm greeting when Tyler gets home and I jump out from the shadows like a hyena. 

5. Many people know I like to watch sports, but unless you have watched a game with me you probably didn’t know that I am a court critic. My little brother Tim and I keep a running document of the worst courts and fields and discuss rankings regularly. My hope for 2020 is that we have less courts that qualify themselves for our list. (And if that Utah Jazz decide to build a parquet court I vow to listen to all the games on the radio.) 

6. When I was in middle school, I was obsessed with the movie National Treasure. The first day I watched it, I watched it twice because I was just that excited. Once the second movie came out I was just as excited, and as it left things on a cliffhanger I couldn’t wait for the third. At least once a week I would come home and launch a full blown investigation, reading every article possible on production rumors on the next movie. Nicholas Cage, it’s time. 

Cheers to the New Year!